Yes, all the Prospitians and Dersites liked Christmas a lot, but the Archagent — who lived between his walls — did not.
You’re a mean one, Jack Noir
You never learned to feel!
You’re as jolly as an Ogre
With a heart as warm as steel
You’re a psychopath who’s gonna,
Wreck the battlefield!
You’re a monster, Jack Noir
You’re worse than every troll!
Your thoughts are filled with murder
You’ve got hatred in your soul
I wouldn’t touch you with an,
You’re a vile one, Jack Noir
You’ve got a lying scumbag smile!
You have all the sensibility
Of a corporate nakkadile
Given the choice between the two of you,
I’d take the corporate nakkadile!
You’re a foul one, Jack Noir
With an overcrowded trunk!
Your deck is full of ratty spades
And bulging with hunk rump
The three words that best describe you,
Are as follows and I quote:
You’re a rotter, Jack Noir
You’re the king of dersite crocks!
Your heart’s a lump of cruxite
Marked with awful, messy cuts
Your inventory is an appalling dump heap,
Overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable cutlery imaginable
Mangled up in magazine scots!
You nauseate me, Jack Noir
With your nauseous black romance!
You’re a crooked gangly gangster,
And you wield a twisted horse,
You’re a three-decker marble and crude-oil sandwich,
With Crocker soup-sauce!
Wanted to do some Homestuck for the holidays — hope you all enjoy!
Lyrics and vocals by me.
Album art by my wonderful girlfriend.
The original song was written by Theodor Geisel, composed by Albert Hague, and the vocals performed by Thurl Ravenscroft.